Still Waiting
And now, Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in You. —Psalm 39:7
Every time I stumble across this verse, it feels like splashing my face with cold water.
I have a tendency to get lost in my fears. What if I never reconcile with my children? What if my ex-wife forgets me? What if I am never able to secure gainful employment? What if I never find a place to live that doesn’t rely on the kindness of friends? What if … What if … It goes on and on.
When I get stuck in this loop, I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking of ways to avoid all my imagined fears. I should write letters to my kids. Send occasional gifts to my ex-wife. Push harder on getting resumes out. Find low-cost housing. I search the internet and query artificial intelligence.
I endlessly rework my budget and reexamine what I think I can live without. I look for ways to cut corners on expenses. I imagine conversations with family members. I bury myself in potential scenarios that could guide me in the direction I think I should go.
None of these are wrong; but none bring relief.
Then in the midst of my anxiety, I wander into Psalm 39, and here comes the cold water again to shake me from my funk and remind me of where I actually stand.
I'm reminded ask myself, “For real, Steve! What are you waiting for? What exactly are you thinking you can do to make any real difference in your present or future?” It causes me to refocus on Whose I am.
I rediscover that in order to focus on my fears, I first have to take my eyes off of Jesus.
In my fear, I find that I feel profoundly empty. Nervous. I want to avoid the future. But when my focus turns back to my Saviour, relief comes rushing back in like a flood. Suddenly, my fears lose their grip and I’m once again filled with faith and courage. Eager to embrace my future.
This is a sobering truth; but a welcome one. My hope is in a heavenly Father who has proven that He will never leave or forsake me. Whatever my future may hold, He is in control of it. And if He is in control, I have nothing to fear.
Prayer
Father,
You see how quickly my mind runs ahead of You.
You see the fears I rehearse and the futures I try to manage.
When my heart asks “What if?”
teach it to answer, “My hope is in You.”
Give me courage to do what is mine to do,
and peace to release what is Yours alone.
Help me wait without panic,
trust without pretending,
and rest in the fact that I am Yours.
Amen.