What Do You Want?

As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So my soul pants for You, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God;
When shall I come and appear before God?”
—Psalm 42:1–2

I have often been challenged by this passage.

When I compare David’s desire with my own, I find myself wanting. I absolutely want to be near God — but I don’t know that my desperation matches the thirst of the deer. My soul wants God, yes... but it is also distracted. Divided. Pulled in countless directions by lesser pursuits.

I wonder if David’s words are less a declaration of spiritual achievement and more a prayer of longing — a prayer to be desperate to be desperate.

That feels more human. And far more relatable.

Perhaps this psalm was written in a moment of genuine crisis, when thirst had finally stripped away distraction. I find in my own life, when I'm under pressure, desperation comes easily — but usually only for a moment. When the pressure eases, my hunger often fades with it.

Still, whether this Psalm was born in crisis or longing, it names a posture I want:

I want my soul to pant for God the way a thirsty deer pants for water.

These things I remember... —Psalm 42:4

David turns from longing to remembering — and so must I. Thank God there is enough in my past to confirm that God is still God, and that He still does what He says He will do.

So why is this remembering so difficult?

Why do I so naturally fixate on the struggle before me rather than the faithfulness behind me? Why does the obstacle speak louder than the God who has already carried me through so much?

There is real benefit in reviewing what God has done for me, in me, and through me. These are not sentimental memories; they are anchors. They deserve to be written down, revisited, rehearsed.

Perhaps if my mind were more practiced in remembering God’s past faithfulness, my present struggles would feel less intimidating — and I would turn to Him sooner, rather than only after repeated — or certain — failure.

Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God. —Psalm 42:11

Sometimes I have to speak to my own soul honestly, while standing in front of the mirror, reminding myself that I am in good hands. That I am not abandoned. That this obstacle, however real, is not ultimate.

David reminds us that God Himself is our hope. And that once He has carried us through — again — we will see that we were in His hands all along.

If we learned to rehearse the things God has already brought us through, praise would come more naturally. Gratitude would follow faith. And God would receive the glory He deserves.

I have to take my eyes off of myself and fix them on Him.

Could it be that this is where the seed of desperation is cultivated? In remembrance?

I must discipline my mind to remain fixed on what God has already done.

To thank Him.

Praise Him.

And in this remembering, to realize that God is so much more than these "things." The real gift is Him.

For more on Psalm 42, see Why Indeed