What About Joseph?

And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly.
—Matthew 1:19

Joseph was betrothed to Mary. In Jewish law and custom, this meant that they were already married. They just did not yet share a house or a bed. But both shared the rights and limitations of the marriage vow.

For reasons we cannot know this side of eternity, God chose Mary to give birth to Jesus. So during the betrothal period, she became pregnant. Because we have the complete Word of God at our disposal, we know that she conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit. Joseph, however, did not initially have access to this revelation.

Joseph found himself in an unimaginable no-man’s-land. He was trapped between Deuteronomy 22:13-25 (which describes the evidence and potential consequences of Mary’s condition), and the Mishnah (which was similar to today’s Civil law or case law in the Jewish community). Neither painted a hopeful picture for Mary. Mary's apparent situation wasn't a minor scandal. It was a maximum severity accusation under the framework Joseph would have been operating in.

Per Mosaic law, if Mary had been found to not be a virgin at the time of her marriage to Joseph, she was to be stoned at the door of her father’s house. (According to the Mishnah, adultery during the betrothal period is a more serious sin than adultery after marriage.)

But Joseph could “prove” neither.

The proof he needed would have either been a bloody cloth at consummation — which could not exist because their consummation had to follow the birth of her son, which would render the test useless, or the identity of the other adulterer — who did not exist.

I can imagine his head spinning as he considered the evidence and his options.

But Joseph appears to have been a man of generous character. All of the legal options presented to him, short of the one he chose, would have resulted in Mary’s execution.

A just man in this framework was one who understood and properly applied the law. Joseph knowing the law — knowing the full severity of what Mary's situation legally warranted — and choosing the most restrained possible response is a much more deliberate and costly choice than simple niceness.

He was a man who knew exactly what he was entitled to do. And chose not to do it.

Apparently, God didn’t only chose Mary. He chose Joseph as well. God’s choice of Jesus’ earthly mother and father was — like everything else that He does — intentional.

Before Gabriel came to assure Joseph of God’s plan, Joseph determined that he was unwilling to put her to shame. —Matthew 1:19

Talk about a curve-ball! There was no legal precedent for this decision. Joseph was in a situation that neither the Law nor the Mishnah had anticipated.

It was only after he resolved to divorce her quietly —Matthew 1:19 that the angel told him, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.” —Matthew 1:20

Matthew says he planned to divorce her — secretly, quietly, privately. Under the maximum severity framework the Mishnah describes, this was an act of extraordinary restraint. He was absorbing the shame of what would have appeared to everyone as his betrothed's unfaithfulness — protecting her from consequences she legally faced — before he even knew the truth.

God’s assurance came after Joseph made his decision to spare Mary.

The standard Western Christmas narrative has domesticated this passage almost beyond recognition. Joseph becomes a minor character — a kind background figure who accepts the situation graciously once God explains it.

But Joseph is not a background figure. This is one of the most quietly heroic moments in the entire New Testament.