Renew My Mind

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
—Romans 12:2

The world we live in has a powerful way of shaping how we think — often without our permission.

When it comes to female appearance, I bought it — hook, line, and sinker. Two of my best friends growing up were girls — friends of the family. They both played with Barbie. When I was with them, I did, too. Her shape certainly did not escape my attention. Other boys in my neighborhood would make comments about Barbie — undoubtedly overheard from their bigger brothers and fathers. This began to shape my image of the ideal girl — which, being based on Barbie, was impossible for any woman to achieve.

But that's where it started. Movies, television shows, and magazines took it from there. Over time, I developed a pretty detailed imaginary image of the "perfect" woman. Through the years, that image evolved. But it was never challenged. Every man I knew agreed — in essence — with what I was looking for. The problem for me — and for our society in general — is that the image in my mind simply doesn't exist in nature. Realizing this led me to abandon finding the "complete package." Instead, I adjusted my search to specific "parts" of a woman. I shamefully admit that for years, I reduced the female form to a collection of parts that were all intended for my enjoyment. I didn't go out with a young woman; I went out with the parts she had that I liked.

In the process, I left quite a trail of broken and disillusioned women in my wake. These precious children of God would go out with me because they found me charming and funny. And I was — in public. But once alone, I became what one date referred to as Doctor Octopus. And that's who I had become. Because I didn't see her as a person — with feelings, dreams, and a future. I only considered what pleasure the conquest would bring.

This is the package that had been sold to me all my life. The entertainment industry rarely depicted the consequences of those actions.

And it is all built on the foundation of how we define beauty. In our culture, beauty is about sexual desirability and pleasure. And this ought not to be.

The problem is not simply cultural. It is spiritual.

The image we are chasing is not real. It is constructed and sustained through resources most people do not have — and were never meant to need. We were not created to live that way.

And it is not biblical.

I find it interesting that even though the Bible does refer to beautiful women, we are never given a description.

Rachel was beautiful of form and face. —Genesis 29:17

Beautiful. But we are never given her measurements. We don't know how tall she was, how long her hair was, or how much she weighed. Just "beautiful."

The girl [Rebekah] was very beautiful, a virgin, and no man had had relations with her. —Genesis 24:16

Again, beautiful. But we have no real idea what she looked like.

Scripture does not define beauty by measurements, proportions, or presentation. Consider what it does say:

Your adornment must not be merely external — braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. —1 Peter 3:3-4

The LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature... for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." —1 Samuel 16:7

The LORD looks at the heart.

I wonder how many relationships were missed, weakened, or broken because we failed to consider her heart.

That's the problem with departing from God's plan. We find ourselves in waters we were never intended to navigate — so it shouldn't surprise us that we arrive at the wrong shore so often.

God's concern has never been centered on outward appearance, but on the condition of the heart. He desires wholeness, health, and integrity — not so that we might be admired, but so that we might reflect Who He is.

God calls us outward — toward compassion and awareness to the needs and wounds around us. Yet constant preoccupation with appearance inevitably turns us inward. When our energy is consumed with managing how we are seen, little remains for seeing others well.

This was never God's intention.

Transformation begins in the mind.

Renewing the mind is not about force or perfection. It is about replacement — making room for truth where lies have taken up residence. Scripture offers us something the world cannot: a stable, trustworthy voice that speaks to who we are, not how we appear.

Consistency matters more than volume. The goal is not to crowd your mind with information, but to shape it with something real.

The world is loud. And when we are tired, distracted, or discouraged, its voice becomes easier to believe.

Renewing the mind is an ongoing act of trust — choosing, again and again, to listen to God over the noise, to rest in His definition of worth, and to allow His truth to slowly untangle what the world has twisted.