Awakened in the Valley

Authors’ Note: Written in confinement
5/19/2023, 8:30 AM

God did not send me to jail! God did not put me here. No! For a brief moment on February 27th 2023, He withheld his protection from me and allowed sin’s schemes to penetrate into my future. Satan put me here. But God allowed it. He allowed it to wake me up. So that I would be able to see how my choices and actions had built a wall between myself and Him. I had turned my back on God. He has opened my eyes to my sin.

I was in the thorns. Choking. In danger of being strangled completely. I was chasing other gods. I've worshipped at the idols of lust, tools, guitars... stuff. He has used my time here to clear my head. Allow me to see more clearly. To adjust my focus. To turn my eyes to Him. In here there are nearly no distractions. So, I am learning, stretching. He's changing me.

I am becoming a new man. I no longer think the way I did. I am learning to focus more on Him. Fix my eyes on him. I'm learning to pray and meditate. I'm learning about God… and me. I'm growing deeper into God. I'm learning to be led by the Holy Spirit. I'm very different than I was on my first day of sobriety. It's been less than three months, but it seems like years ago. A week from today, I will be sober 100 days! I never dreamed such a thing was possible. And it's not just because I'm in jail.

In the past, my memories and fantasies followed me everywhere. There seemed to be no escape. But for now, they're gone. No temptation. No memories. God has prepared a place where I can be restored, healed, recreated. I'm trying to take full advantage of this season, however long it may be. I'm going to keep my mind stayed on him.

“Search me, Oh God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.” —Psalm 139:23-24