Chapter 4: The Altar

There wasn't an altar call.

No persuasive speech.

No emotional invitation.

Just music.

Just truth.

Just the Holy Spirit.

It was a Keith Green concert. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember the song. I remember the crowd. I remember the moment—standing at the edge of the stage, overwhelmed by conviction. I had been playing games with God. And He wasn't amused.

I wasn't just addicted. I was divided.

I wanted God—but I wanted my sin too.

I wanted forgiveness—but I didn't want surrender.

That night, everything changed.

I prayed: "Father, I don't want to be interested in any other girl until I meet the one I will marry."

And I wasn't.

The weeks that followed were electric.

Bible studies. Worship gatherings. Mid-week services.

New friends. Godly friends.

No drugs. No sex. Just transformation.

I was living in light for the first time.

Then I met her.

The answer to my prayer.

She made me want to be a better Christian. A better man.

We courted. We worshiped. We dreamed.

But the spiral wasn't gone.

It was waiting.

I began fantasizing about her.

Then acting out those fantasies.

Then acting out.

Then guilt.

Then shame.

Then prayer.

Then recommitment.

The cycle had returned.

Familiar. Unforgiving.

We talked. We tried to stop.

But I couldn't.

Years later, I learned how addiction rewires the brain.

How dopamine depletion drives darker desires.

How spiritual slavery isn't just metaphor—it's reality.

Jesus said, "Everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin." (John 8:34)

That was me.

Even after the altar.

Even after the prayer.

Even after the transformation.

I was still enslaved.

Biblical Parallel: Isaiah's Vision

Isaiah 6: Conviction and Calling

Isaiah was in the temple.

Worshiping. Seeking. Waiting.

Then the heavens opened.

He saw the Lord—high and exalted.

Angels cried, "Holy, holy, holy."

And Isaiah didn't celebrate.

He collapsed.

"Woe to me!" he cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips…"

Conviction.

Not condemnation.

Not shame.

Just truth.

Then came the coal.

A burning ember from the altar.

Touched to his lips.

Cleansing. Healing. Commissioning.

"Your guilt is taken away," the angel said. "Your sin is atoned for."

Then came the call:

"Whom shall I send?"

And Isaiah replied, "Here am I. Send me."

Reflection: The Altar Is a Beginning

The altar isn't the end of the spiral.

It's the beginning of surrender.

Isaiah didn't walk away perfect.

He walked away commissioned.

I didn't leave that concert healed.

I left it awakened.

Conviction isn't shame—it's invitation.

To be cleansed.

To be called.

To be changed.

God doesn't wait for us to be ready.

He meets us in the moment.

He touches the unclean.

He speaks through the broken.

And He sends us.

Invitation: Return to the Altar

Where did God first meet you?

Where did conviction first break through?

Return there.

Not to relive shame—but to remember grace.

Write a prayer of surrender.

Name the sin.

Ask for the coal.

Ask for the cleansing.

Then ask for the calling.

Because the altar isn't where you end.

It's where you begin.